Posted: 14 May 2015 05:09 AM PDT
When
Martha complained to Jesus about Mary on His first visit to Bethany,
Mary could have chosen to be offended by her sister. But there is no
indication that she felt that way. She also could have taken offense
when Judas and the disciples protested against her act of extravagant
worship. But again, there is no indication that she did.
Don’t make the mistake of underestimating the pain that was inflicted
upon Mary in both situations. Here was a woman who loved her Lord with
all her heart, and she was unfairly criticized for it. Not by her
enemies, but once by her sister and another time by some of the Lord’s
own disciples.
It reminds me of the old adage, “No good deed shall go unpunished.”
The words of Elbert Hubbard come to mind: “To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”
In both cases, Mary never opened her mouth to defend herself or her
actions. In silence, she entrusted the matter to her Lord. And in both
instances, Jesus rose to her defense.
Point:
there will always be some Christians who will undermine and denigrate your good actions.
T. Austin-Sparks once wrote, “If you get upset, offended, and go off and sulk, and nurse your grievance, you will die.”
With that in mind, here are eight things I’ve learned about being offended by others:
(1) Christians will hurt your feelings
Because of the fall, this will happen. Sometimes a person acts with
malicious intent, desiring to hurt you because they don’t like you or
they’ve chosen to be offended by you. Other times they will hurt you
without realizing it.
I’m sure that when the other disciples chimed in with Judas’
complaint, they weren’t trying to hurt Mary. It was just the result of
fleshly judgment.
(2) When others hurt you, your spiritual maturity will be revealed
You will discover how real your relationship with Jesus Christ is
when your feelings get hurt. You can be the greatest speaker, the
greatest worshipper, or the greatest evangelist, but when your feelings
are hurt, what you do at that moment and afterward will reveal the
reality of your relationship with Jesus.
People have one of two reactions when their feelings get hurt: they deal with it before the Lord, or they destroy others.
Mary left it in the hands of Christ.
(3) God intends to use mistreatments for our good
Recall the mistreatment that Joseph endured at the hands of his own
brothers. Joseph took it from the hand of God, saying, “You intended to
harm me, but God intended it for good.”
Remember King David when Abishai cursed him? David chose not to kill
his detractor, but instead he saw the persecution in light of God’s
sovereign hand.
To paraphrase Romans 8:28, everything that comes into our lives,
whether good or evil, first passed through the hands of a sovereign,
loving God before it got to us. And He uses it for our good.
Once you make peace with God’s sovereignty and His ability to write
straight with crooked lines, the more at peace you will be with those
who mistreat you. While God is not the author of confusion or evil, He
seeks to use all things for our transformation.
When Jesus defended Mary, He transformed her act into an immortal
example of what real worship entails. Her example was such that we’re
still talking about it two thousand years later.
(4) Christians often get offended by reading into words and actions
This usually happens when a person is oversensitive and thinskinned.
In my experience, this makes up most cases in which a Christian takes
offense at another believer.
As a group, Christians are the most easily offended people in the
world when we should be the least. While Mary was mistreated twice, she
didn’t take offense.
(5) Christians often get offended with a person when they believe false accusations against them
Wise and discerning Christians who have been around the block ignore
gossip that puts other believers in a bad light. In fact, in the eyes of
the wise and discerning believer, any statement that has a defamatory
tone is discredited out of the gate.
When wise and discerning believers are concerned about someone, they
go straight to the person privately as Jesus taught us to do, asking
questions rather than making allegations.
Some Christians, however, never think to do this. Instead, they
readily believe slanderous allegations about a sister or brother in
Christ without ever going to that person first.
The question “How would I want to be treated if someone were saying
these things about me?” never seems to occur to them. The life of Jesus
Christ always leads us to live that question. The flesh always leads us
in the opposite direction.
Remember, Satan is the slanderer (that’s what “Devil” means), and he
uses gossip to destroy relationships. That’s why the Bible says that
believing gossip separates close friends and that one of the seven
things the Lord hates is “sowing seeds of discord among brethren.”
(6) What you do with a hurt is a choice you make
You can choose to be offended and make a friend out of your hurt,
feed it, take it out for daily walks, cuddle it, and protect it until it
destroys you and others. A root of bitterness, if allowed to live, will
defile many and prove destructive to your own spirit.
You can also choose to be offended and retaliate actively or passively.
Or you can choose to live by Christ and bring your hurt to God.
Sometimes the Lord will lead you to go to the person and talk to them in
a gracious manner, seeking reconciliation.
Other times He will lead you to forebear it, take it to the cross,
let it go, and move on. “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his
glory to overlook an offense.”
Sometimes He will show you that you’ve completely misinterpreted the actions of another.
In cases of repeated abuse, which I’m not addressing in this post, getting others involved is often wise and necessary.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you should enable that person to commit a crime or continue to devastate the lives of others.
(7) To be offended by a child of God is to be offended by God
When Jesus began preaching in His hometown of Nazareth, He offended
His neighbors. They stumbled over Him and rejected who He really was.
When you choose to take offense at another Christian, you are
rejecting who they are in Christ. Thus it affects your relationship with
Jesus, whether you realize it or not. Why?
Because Christ and His body are connected, so “if you’ve done it to the least of these my brethren, you’ve done it unto Me.”
Again, I’m not equating being offended with being hurt.
(8) You can live free from offense
This doesn’t mean that you will never be hurt. Nor does it mean that
you will never be angry. Jesus got angry. Remember His temple tantrum?
Paul said, “Be angry and sin not. Don’t let the sun go down on your
wrath.”
Anger is a normal human emotion when someone abuses you or abuses
someone you care about. But what you do with your anger determines
whether or not it is sin.
In addition, we should always be “quick to listen, slow to speak and
slow to become angry.” The Lord has called us to the high road of living
without offense. And He has given us both the power and the will to do
His good pleasure in this
area.
Excerpted from God’s Favorite Place on Earth
