Tired of fake emotions?

Tired of fake emotions?
October 14, 2016



John Parker is one of our LK10 West Coast Coordinators.  He is also a coach for "individuals and teams facing change and chaos".  He writes a regular newsletter called "Sealegs for Success".  I thought his recent article was helpful for those of us seeking to share clearly about our emotions. This skill is critical for building meaningful relationships in families and churches! (Shared with permission)
 

Tired of fake feelings? Scoop real ones out of your psychic stew by dumping the words “like,” “that,” and “as though,” when you want identify your feelings.

I feel like…, I feel that…, and, I feel as though…, all express thoughts, not feelings. This is confusing to your psyche.

Of course, we’ve been trained in this confusion. Feelings, especially the so-called negative ones—anger, fear, confusion, and sorrow—have often been punished in our “pursuit of happiness” society.

"I feel like no on likes me", is better expressed: “I think that… “It looks to me like… “It seems as though… no one likes me.”

Express your thoughts. At the same time, get closer to your true and valuable feelings by placing your feeling descriptors right after the word feel, felt, or feeling.

For example:

• “I think everyone likes me. I feel loved, included, and seen.”
• “It seemed as though no one listens to me. I felt ignored, rejected, and unheard.”
• “If looks like we are going to lose the game. I’m feeling sad and disappointed.”

Get good identifying your thoughts, opinions, ideas, and perspectives. Also, get good at identifying the feelings that accompany your thoughts.

And vice versa! You can identify a feeling then trace it back to the thought that caused it.

Thinking and feelings are connected but not meant to be mushed, mashed, and enmeshed. They are both your friends. Please keep them separate enough to be in important conversation with each other—and with you.

This will increase your self-awareness, pathos, and discernment.  It will help you listen to your “self” better and, in turn, love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Be your own best friend.


Want to become more skilled at naming both thoughts and feelings?  Want to help us make relationships bigger than problems or tasks in families and churches? Sign up for our Church 101 Course.

Already been through the Course?  Maybe it's time for you to teach it to others by inviting a friend or a group of friends to go through it with you.

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