12 Things Not to Say in a Small Group
I’ve seen these statements wreck the community we’re all striving for in our small groups.
And you know what to say. You’ve memorized every popular catch phrase like a boss.
- “We’re here to do life together.”
- “Come as you are.”
- “We’re better together.”
“PTL!” - “God is good…(pause for dramatic effect)…all the time. And…(pause for dramatic effect)…all the time, God is good.”
- “Sometimes you just gotta let go. And let God.”
But last week, you said something, and when you did, you noticed a look. That look that says, “Umm…why did you say that? Did you really mean that? Because I thought this place was safe? I thought I could be honest here? I thought I could be myself? I thought you loved and respected me?”
You know what you should say. You know you need to talk about how but you’re not so clear on what you shouldn’t say.
I think I can help, because I’ve seen these statements wreck the community we’re all striving for in our small groups.
1. Well, that was sure a dumb question.
Don’t ever say this or anything that sounds like you’re critiquing someone for a question they asked. There are no dumb questions.
Repeat that after me.
There are no dumb questions.
Now that we’ve covered that…
2. Will you pray out loud?
To which you say, “Wait, Ben, are you saying our groups shouldn’t pray?” To which I’d respond, “Of course not!” To which you’d say, “Then what the heck are you saying?”
Should we really make it the goal of our groups for everyone to pray out loud? Think with me for a minute. Who were the people in Scripture that got in trouble (oh, yes they did) for praying? The ones that prayed out loud for others to hear.
“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” – Jesus, Matthew 6:5-6
Praying out loud isn’t necessarily a mark of spiritual growth. Help people to pray. But don’t force people to pray out loud. Most will hate you for it because they’re deathly afraid of voicing their intimate conversations with God in front of you.
3. Well, in the original Greek…
Stop. Just stop. We’re not impressed with you. Or, if we are impressed with you, is that what you really want?
4. Will you look up Ezekiel 18:14?
Make it a little easier. Say something like, “Let’s turn to Ezekiel 18:14, on page 568.” Or, go ahead and make it a lot easier by saying, “Just get out your phones and open your Bible app.”
5. The Bible is difficult enough to obey. Let’s not put a barrier between our groups and obedience.
6. Would you read this lineage of Kings?
Nobody likes to feel dumb. And the quickest way to make people feel dumb is to have them read the very words of God, the words we purport are life-giving, inspired by God for our good—and they can’t even pronounce things.
They’ll feel dumb, and clam up.
7. Ok, it’s your turn. Share your deepest, darkest secret that nobody knows.
Don’t force vulnerability. Set the environment for it. Lead the way by being vulnerable and honest yourself. Then watch the walls come crumbling down.
8. Ha! That’s funny! Kind of like the time you went through a divorce.
Never, ever make a joke based on pain a group member has shared. Ever. Not even if you really think it’ll be funny. It won’t be, and you’ll instantly regret what you just said.
9. Is it okay if I tweet that?
That’ll kill safety quicker than just about anything you do. It’ll cause everyone in the group to distrust you and wonder what, if anything, is safe to share.
If you have to ask, don’t tweet.
10. And here’s my 7th prayer request tonight.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, there, Mr. Super Spiritual. You don’t have to one-up every single prayer request. When you talk, and share, more than you listen, you short-circuit the work that God’s doing in other people’s hearts. And you’d love to think there’s a spiritual reason here, but the reality is that when you share all of your 7 requests, everyone else is thinking, “When is she going to be done? It’s time to go home…”
I’m just being honest because your group won’t tell you that. They’ll vote with their feet.
Just share one request, please. If there’s more, just pray for those on your own.
11. Just 5 more minutes. I promise. We’re almost done.
Liar. Just start on time, and end on time. People will love you for it.
12. You should quit coming to small group until you can figure out your junk.
This may be the most damaging thing you can say. Small groups should be the place where grace is given freely, and patience is exercised consistently. Mercy triumphs judgment. (James 2:13)
Aren’t you glad Jesus didn’t give up on you? And that he loved and pursued you, and never gave up on you?
Now you know what not to say. Time to get to work.
Ben Reed is the small
groups pastor at Long Hollow, a multi-site church in the Nashville, TN,
area. He holds an Mdiv from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Ben
is also an avid coffee drinker and CrossFitter, but not at the same
time. Catch up with Ben at BenReed.net.
In his book, "Starting Small: The Ultimate Small Group Blueprint," he
helps leaders through the process of putting a small group ministry
together and creating a place where people belong so they can become.
More from Ben Reed or visit Ben at http://www.BenReed.net/
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar