Hi all,
The
culture of offense has taken much of the world by storm in the last few
years, yet most don't realize the spirit behind this movement is going
to lead to something much greater on down the time line than merely 1
politician making personal attacks against another in a voting year.
On
a small scale we have examples in the US of a teenager suspended from
school because she said 'Bless you' to a class mate who had sneezed. At a
school in California 5 students were sent home on May 5, the day Mexico celebrates Cinco de Mayo, for daring to wear T-shirts with the American flag on them.
On
a national scale the culture of offense is very much like fascism.
Fascism is the governmental system where people are not allowed to
disagree with the government - the government takes offense at someone
disagreeing with them. This includes examples of ISIS killing anyone who
doesn't believe as they do, or Turkey prosecuting citizens who utter
any opinion on social media construed as anti-government, or wide spread
political correctness forced to the citizens as a matter of government
policy. From 'bless you' to arrests for Facebook posts with a personal
opinion expressed, these are elements of the culture of offense.
However,
offense begins in the hearts of individuals before it becomes a force
in society as a whole, and if it takes up residence in a person's heart,
it forms its own little culture of offense which leads a person to live
by their emotions rather than reason, logic, and morals, with the
result of the cutting of relationships of those who don't meet their
expectations.
How offense starts
Presumption is the act of putting your expectations on someone else, and then getting offended (hurt feelings) and they can even feel victimized when others don't meet those expectations.
The offended person can't measure the situation accurately
They
are seeing the situation solely through the eyes of their
expectations and how they feel about it, without taking anyone
else's life into account. These people live by opinions formed by their emotions, rather than by opinions and emotions formed by God's Word.
Point #1 - They only see themselves and their situation (Narcissistic)
Their
emotions are on the edge and they form opinions and make decisions on
who to have in their life or who to exclude from their life
strictly from their emotions. For example, maybe they have a friend of
20 years, but this friend makes them angry one day for something trivial
- because they called their friend at an inconvenient time and the
friend said so - and they got angry and decided to end the
relationship. The culture of offense emotionally decides to throw away a
20 year investment in the friendship - completely illogical! Stinking
thinking!
People who live like this start a downward spiral in their life.
Point #2 - They can't imagine what it is like to be the other person
Living
in emotions and culture of offense means they also cannot understand
another person's situation, and have lost sight of the fact their
primary goal is to be mature in Christ. In the above example though
friends for 20 years, the offended couldn't understand their friend's
honesty at saying it was an inconvenient time to talk.
They
take it as 'you don't want me', so their reaction is disproportionate
to the event, and they throw the friendship away. They can't imagine
anything in their friend's life larger than their need at that moment.
Maybe the friend had a baby on the changing table with a poopy diaper,
maybe they had visitors, maybe they were in a doctor's office - doesn't
matter! They are offended because they are unable to understand their
friend's situation at the moment they were in need, in emotional
turmoil, so they were offended.
The
truth is they love Jesus only to the point He doesn't ask them to make
hard decisions which would lead to growth as a person and a disciple of
Jesus. They aren't really disciples, just believers, for by definition a
disciple is 'a learner'. They stopped learning, they've punched their
ticket to heaven, now life is too difficult and they are too busy to be
bothered with such things as growth in godly character. Such things as
getting their eyes off themselves, apologies, humbling oneself and
admitting they over-reacted are just too hard on top of everything else.
Too bad Jesus, I love you but life is hard and I want to wallow in my
hurt.
They
only see their need, their life, their crisis. They may offer a polite
'so what is going on with you?' but as soon as the person responds, they
manage to shift the conversation back to themselves. Sympathy is the emotion felt when someone else is hurting, while empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of others.
A
person easily offended can have sympathy for another, but they lack the
ability to experience empathy, for that equates to humility,
vulnerability, and feeling what others feel. Thus they pull back and
shift attention back to themselves.
Point #3 - You can't talk a person out of offense
Offense is
a choice of the emotions, often made as a knee-jerk reaction without
any filter or check and balance for those emotions. The mature have
learned how to balance emotions by causing them and their thoughts to be
submitted to the cross.
Choosing not to be offended
is Christ-like while choosing to take offense is a lower-self choice.
You can't talk, negotiate, illustrate, or teach a person out of offense.
They are hurt and they want to be - so once you point out the truth,
once you apologize, once you try to get them to understand where you're
coming from to no avail, you have to move on. Build a bridge to them to the extent they allow, but their sin and childishness can't hold you back from you doing what is right in Christ. You answer to Him, not them.
This is where feelings are worn on the sleeve so to speak, for all to see, measuring others by their expectations
rather than by what is right and moral and just. People have a hard
life and they are stressed, and they wear their tendency to be offended
like a porcupine baring its quills at a confrontation. This is the area
where people feel a need to always be right, to point out where others
are wrong, and they live out of that 'home base' for their lives.
It
is a horrible, miserable place from which to live, but these same
people will say they love God - and that is true in their spirit man.
But you can't talk them out of offense for they won't let God in their
emotions and decision process. They never think "I have to do what Jesus
says no matter how I feel" -
Thus
internally they are in turmoil and hurting because they know they need
to make things right with x person, but they would rather be distracted
in their self-justification than humble themselves before the Lord and
that person and do what is right. So they push things down inside them,
and I've seen many, many cases where such sin leads to physical ailments
- and they are quick to ask for healing - but it won't come because
their physical ailment started in their offense.
I
once had a woman approach the prayer line using a walker and showing me
her stiff and bent fingers, asking for healing from arthritis. I was
about to lay hands on her and the Lord spoke to me, 'Tell her to go and
forgive her sister, and she will be healed.' 3 months later
I was back in that church and she came walking up to me without any
assistance, telling me she obeyed the Lord and went to her sister's
house to make it right between them, and by the time she got home that
night she was better, and when she woke up the next morning she was
totally healed. Offense can do that and more to a person.
People
in offense feign forgiveness, saying "I accept your apology" but then
refuse to truly pick up the relationship where they left off, proving
their words were hollow, for between 2 willing people, forgiveness
results in restoration of the relationship. But you know they remain in
offense because they would rather write off a relationship than do what
is hard work for them of saying 'I'm sorry'.
Point #4 - Being offended doesn't matter to anyone but the person offended
No
one cares that x brother or x sister or x church or x company offended
and hurt them. Even if a friend did care, they would attempt to get them
to deal with the hurt and make things right. Sometimes being offended
really doesn't matter to anyone but the offended. They need to get
over themselves and come to Jesus.
The
lost art of conversation, that ability to exchange ideas even in a
heated manner, yet not turn it into a personal attack, has been largely
lost in world-wide culture because of offense. But I've run out of room
for today and will pick it up there next week.
Until then, blessings,
John Fenn
www.cwowi.org and email me at cwowi@aol.com
New CD/MP3 Series
This
series goes into details of Paul's instructions to Timothy concerning
Christians who Paul calls 'emotionally sick' or 'mentally ill', and how
he should handle such people. Paul tells of Christians who reject
healthy spiritual teaching in favor of arguments over words and word
meanings and off-balance teaching, who focus so much on 1 topic or 1
issue within them that logic, friends, teaching, and encouragement to
return to balance elude them. Paul outlines many characteristics of the
emotionally ill believer, describing them as having a morbid fascination
with something that becomes a mental disease to them - and outlines how
to help them and how to pray for them. For anyone who knows that
certain person in their life who is emotionally and spiritually
unhealthy, the listener will gain understanding and insight with a view
towards restoration for that person.
In David
the King we look at the Psalms he wrote after King Saul died, but
before David's son Absalom rebelled against him and sent him into exile.
The Psalms take on a different tone than in part 1 of the series, and
include prophecy about Jesus, because during this peaceful time in his
life he is able to focus on worship and the goodness of the Lord. We
look at his Psalm that was shouted at Jesus on Palm Sunday, and the
Hallel, which Jesus and the disciples sung on the night He was betrayed,
and its prophecy. The series also looks at the Psalm David wrote when
he was confronted about his affair with Bathsheba. David the King gives
wonderful insight into the tenderness of the heart of David, his heart
for his son, Solomon, and so much more!
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