SPIRITUAL DAD?

John Fenn, Spiritual dad?

Hi all,
This Sunday being Father's Day in the US there have been many articles written and a lot of talk either bemoaning the lack of spiritual fathers in the church or calling on men to become spiritual fathers. Some have even blamed the eccentricities of the Lakeland meetings on the lack of spiritual fathers - but I can tell you why there aren't many around in the traditional church structure, tell you why that is, and tell you where to find them.
 
First the problem, then the answer, so bear with me.
 
Core mentality - Program based fatherhood
A spiritual father is an animal of such rarity in traditional churches he isn't well defined or known. But the elusive creature is found in great numbers in house-based churches.
 
The answer for the traditional structure is of course another program. Develop a program, open up the church, do something that puts men and young men together 1 night a week and call it a spiritual fatherhood program - or better yet offer a class on spiritual fatherhood or series of sermons on the subject.
 
The traditional church has failed to produce spiritual fathers because their structure cannot develop the relationships spiritual parenting requires.
 
A father, reproducing DNA
A father and mother conceive a child, and that child has their parent's DNA as a result. A spiritual father and mother seek to impart Christ's DNA and their life experience with Him into their spiritual children in the same way parents grow their children - in relationship with each other, walking through life together.
 
What would happen if a regular mom and dad could only contact their children through a school program instead of directly to them as unique individuals? Can you imagine if a parent had to contact the coach or principle or could only see their child at a ball game or cheerleader practice? That's no way to parent is it? Parenting requires one on one relationships walking through life together, imparting wisdom and experience.
 
Then why do we express dismay when program based relationships in the traditional churches fail to produce true spiritual children and parents, let alone people on fire for God?
 
The traditional church is not structured to produce person to person relationships; it is structured to produce person to program relationships.
 
Furthermore, it is structured to reproduce itself not people. It's effect is more people trained to have relationships only through a church program.
 
This means the traditional church itself tries to be the spiritual father (and mother) of it's members, and when it fails, people become very hurt as they would if their parents hurt them. How many people struggled in their faith or fell away from the Lord when Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart fell from grace in the late 1980's? Their faith wasn't in God; their faith was in man and his programs, so when they fell, so did many a believer.
 
The traditional church relates to it's spiritual children through performance based Christianity measured by how much you give, how much you attend, and how active you are in the programs offered. It is no different than the parent who lays down the law for his/her kids- this produces children angry and distant from their parents even as our culture is filled with angry teens and adults distance from God.
 
In fact, my experience has been that many who fall away from God don't actually fall from Christ, but the church. Most of these people they think the only way to know God is through the traditional church and its programs because that's all they know or have been told.They think the local church is the intermediary between man and God.
 
In the traditional church structure the only relationships promoted are those which are program based. The program is the intermediary through which everyone in a traditional church functions and without programs there are no relationships between congregation members - if you are involved in a church program and another person you hit it off with is in that same program, unless you work very hard at it, your relationship with them begins and ends when that program begins and ends.
 
Thus, when a person leaves a traditional church they find they have no real friends. They thought they did, but to their horror and surprise they found out their 'friends' were only as deep as their involvement with the church programs. Take away the program and no relationship exists unless they actually decide to get together outside of church to get to know one another.
 
Where are the emperor's clothes?
Here's news for leaders in the traditional church - what I just shared above is what teenagers and twentysomething's perceive at first glance, and they want nothing to do with a fatherhood manifested through the surrogacy of a program. They want real people who will talk about real issues who will help walk them through real life. The big news is that all us old people are seeing the same thing, we just search for it more subtly and in a reasoned way while the youth are quite vocal about the emperor not having any clothes.
 
Yet the traditional church leaders cry out for spiritual fathers, never realizing their structure is the very thing that prevents it!
 
To say a spiritual father is a mentor does not go far enough. To say they impart good principles into those young in the faith, falls short. To say they are a coach to a younger person in the Lord person is yet further from the truth. Yet all these things are church program based definitions and efforts to develop spiritual fatherhood and bridge generation gaps.
 
Drum roll please...
It's difficult for some to define exactly what a spiritual father is because few have seen the real thing. So let's look at the similarities between a father as head of a family and a spiritual father.
 
A spiritual father has a 1 on 1 direct relationship with their 'child' in the faith, rather than a relationship with that person through a program. If a traditional church offers programs through which relationships are governed, it's mirror image in the family is the absentee father who gives money and presents to his kids but never actually gives himself. The money and gifts become the program upon which the relationship is based, while the kids are just crying out for their dad. As a result, millions of young people are crying out for a relationship with God minus the programs and structured hoops they have to jump through in the traditional church.
 
Father's live with those they are fathering.
Being a bio-dad is not necessarily a father. There are many bio-dads who have never been fathers to their children, and there are many men who are truly fathers to another's children. It is the man who lives with and shares his life with those children who is their father.
 
Paul called himself a spiritual father of the Corinthian church. Acts 18 records he stayed 18 months with them at it's founding, and went back at least 3 times after that. He said they have had many teachers, but he was their spiritual father. He lived among the people imparting himself to them. Of his time in Ephesus he said "I held nothing back - literally 'with unfurled sails' - I proclaimed it to you and taught you publicly and from house to house." (Acts 20: 20)
 
The traditional church has been teaching and preaching fatherhood through various programs for generations, thinking teaching at them is parenting. But as Paul noted, being a teacher to people does not a spiritual parent make.  
 
A traditional church says "I'm teaching you what is right, now go out and do it" with no other example than some sermons or textbook. Spiritual fathers demonstrate their faith alongside the person. They don't give the kid a book on how to bait a hook and send him off until next week; they go fishing with them!
 
Am I saying a spiritual father has to camp out on a young disciple's doorstep? No. I am saying there is an ongoing mentoring relationship and much communication as both parties walk through life in relationship.
 
Fathers provide for their children.
In the same way a natural father works hard for his family, a spiritual parent works hard to meet the emotional, spiritual, and practical needs of their spiritual child.
 
Why spiritual parents are found in house based churches
Let me first say that a house church is not a miniature of the traditional church. Just meeting in a home is not a house church.
 
A house church is defined by scripture. If a small group has a meeting in a home that could just as easily be in the Crystal Cathedral or First Church on the corner, they are following a traditional format established by Emperor Constantine 1700 years ago, not the Bible, and are not a house church.
 
A house church as defined by scripture is a family based, discussion oriented, discipleship focused community of disciples committed to one another by meeting (at least) weekly in a format that allows God to move according to His desire. Relationships develop, people meet during the week or socialize together, and in a meeting they are bound by love and the desire to see God's will done in each life.
 
There are no programs through which relationships are controlled. As I often say: In the traditional church we formed a structure and then tried to breathe life into it. In house church we find where God's life is already present and moving, then form just enough structure (if needed) to facilitate that life. (and if life moves in another direction the minimalist structure can move with it)
 
Relationships that are founded upon families move organically from within, rather than by external programs designed to manipulate people into coming together. It takes time. It takes the risk of getting to know each other, having meals together, visiting in each other's homes - it's more a lifestyle than anything else.
 
It is what you've heard me say for years; Relationship Based Christianity (not program based Christianity).
 
In house church the kids present know everyone as a friend and extended family, so they see multiple examples of fathers and mothers who love their children, love and respect each other, and properly interact with others of all ages.
 
A few years ago I asked for prayer in one of our house church meetings, so naturally all the kids joined in with the adults to lay hands on me and pray. One 4 year old boy laid hands on me along with everyone else, only his hand was about my shin level. After a time of prayer a couple people had a prophecy for me and he did too.  In his cute 4 year old voice he tugged on my pants leg and said: "The Lord is saying he loves you and is happy with you, that's all."
 
That prophecy has stayed with me - he had the freedom to pray and move as God moved him, showing me an example to stay child-like in my faith, simple, innocent, and free to share what God puts on the heart.
 
That would never happen in a program based traditional structure.
 
The apostle John wrote this in I John 2:13: "I write to you fathers because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I write to you young men, because you have overcome the wicked one. I write to you little children, because you have known the Father."
 
Notice that the little children know the Father, and they become young men who are all about fighting and overcoming the wicked one - and that zeal and hunger is needed. But in relationship with those stages of life are the fathers who know Him who is from the beginning - indicating a camaraderie with age and wisdom and time. The old men share a perspective only experience and deep knowledge can impart.
 
The young in Christ are strong, they have overcome - and they need a spiritual dad, someone they are in relationship with 1 on 1, to guide them into living out those victories they've earned each step of the way.
 
That isn't going to happen in a program, but it does in a living room as multiple generations get to know one another and develop strong friendships as they all move on in the discipleship process together.
 
Some thoughts,
Blessings,
John Fenn
www.ifaithhome.org